It is better to ask for permission than forgiveness.
Do not touch anyone anywhere on their body, ever, without asking for their consent, their permission to do so first.
“No” is no. No is always no. Red light. Stop.
“Yes” is always yes. Green light. Go.
“Maybe” is always No. This is not a yellow light. This does not mean you get a choice to speed up or slow down. This is a Red light. Stop.
You will make relationships where you don’t need to ask every time. That is okay. Make sure those relationships include an agreement that when someone says, “no” or “I don’t want to be touched right now” that the answer to this is NO, and means NO.
“May I kiss you,” is sexy.
“Wanna make love/ have sex,” is sexy.
“I’m into Kink. Can we discuss what that means?” is sexy.
“I’m dunno, I’m kinda drunk,” is a hard no.
“Just the tip,” is a hard no.
“I ate some (insert drugs here) earlier,” is a hard no.
“I don’t have a condom,” is a hard no – as it implies one would be desired.
“I’ve never done this before,” is a hard no.
Listen, sex is great and we all like it and we want it now and sometimes its even painful (wait…) if we dont get it now. I don’t care. Go to the bathroom, rub one out real quick, and come on back for a chat. Me? I love drunk sex. I always consent to the sex before I get drunk, so that we know its good and safe.
If there is anything anyone EVER says that sounds even slightly unsure, indecisive, doubtful or impaired, then the answer is NO. Have morning sex tomorrow, with consent – no forcing morning wood. If the only way you can get down is by assuming someone wants to have sex with you then you are doing is wrong.
Consent is the difference between Sex and Rape.
Google ‘Rape’ if you are unclear on this subject.
Given the nature of Tinder and modern dating, hopefully ya’ll find yourselves in a consenting sexual situation. Be this the case, go buck wild, have fun and be safe!
Remember, condoms are not a guarantee against Sexually Transmitted Infections (STI’s – STD’s) – be honest and forward if you have something shareable – I.E. Chlamydia, HIV, etc.
In regards to herpes, I firmly believe y’all need to calm the fuck down on this subject. It’s basically zits. We get them on our faces, sometimes on our backs, our butts. Why not on our junk too? 90% of the world population has it. Not the big deal media has made it out to be. When it comes to honesty on this subject what you are really coping with is peoples shame, not a disease. Watch Adam Ruins Everything on Sex. It’s enlightening.
Birth control. Here’s a sore subject. Real talk, if you’re a man, go get a vasectomy right now. It’s reversible, won’t harm you, and you will have 0 chance of getting anyone pregnant. Every single form of birth control available to a woman can fail at some point.
I wont to get my son circumcised. That’s mutilation. It came into practice as a way to keep boys from masturbating. That’s right. There is no medical purpose for circumcision. But, I will get him a vasectomy when he comes of age. Think about it.
Ladies – condoms are all well and good but be familiar with The Pill, Nuevo Ring, Copper IUD, Marina, Injections and Implants. Yeah guys… that many options.
Ladies – also be familiar with the morning after pill and your state and or countries status on abortions. Have a plan – yes, as soon as you start having sex – as to what you will do if you get pregnant. In America childbirth kills about 25% of pregnant women annually. Unsupervised (meaning not with a doctor) abortions kill 11% women around the world annually. Have a plan.
Men, be informed. The Pull Out Method does not work.
Lastly, be honest. If you don’t want to see a person again just send them a txt saying: ‘Hey thanks, that was fun! You were great! I’m not looking for more than a hook-up right now. Thanks again and best to you.’
Simple. Honest. No one’s feelings are hurt. I sent this to a guy – he asked if we could get together again after a Tinder weekend hookup:
“Nope. I’ve just got a bunch on my plate, between couch crashing, buying plane tickets, working, and balancing my existing relationships. That was great fun and yer rad. I doubt I’ll find time again this trip. 🙂 Was a nice holiday romp.”
For me and my life style – perfect. Honest, straightforward and kind in that it leaves an option open, but only a vague sort of way.